1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
