Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
