tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Randomize
