is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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