i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
