Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
