bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
