bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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