I'm really into asian looking animals
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
