You're my little dorito
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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