just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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