you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
