Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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