I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
COCAINE IS GR8
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
