The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
