You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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