im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
