shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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