I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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