u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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