even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
