Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
