All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I showed him my bush... on skype.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
