I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
