smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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