I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
