you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
