your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize