i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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