i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
