so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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