If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
