I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Randomize