cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
