He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
