Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
How naked do you want me to be?
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