we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
