Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
last night I used snow as a chaser
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
