I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
