You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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