Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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