I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
