Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
