??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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