That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
