just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
