wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
