Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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