hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
