White coat. Heels.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
