He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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