Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
