Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
