rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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