i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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