And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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