last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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