So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize