Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
