I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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