It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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