You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
