In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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