You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
