I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
