There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
