TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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