I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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