Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
