I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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