I accidentally burped into my bong.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
