Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
