I can text with my tongue
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
