someone get that fucking seahorse.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize