so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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