Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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