My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
