for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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