Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
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I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
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you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
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