Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
