I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
