at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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