I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My vagina is very pro this idea
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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