Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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