Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
