are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
