I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
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