see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
