yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
