If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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